Shattered anGEL

Couple of weeks back, I broke down.

At first, I was not sure yet what was the reason for the pain and profound sadness I felt. Surely, the happiness I experienced when I went to India for vacation was immeasurable. But shortly after coming back, I started to feel strange. Aside from missing my TwinSis in India, there was a strange loneliness creeping inside me. Sooner, I discovered that the initial people I mingled with after coming back here were experiencing some turmoil in their lives. I didn’t know how did that happen, but subconsciously I absorbed those negative vibes. To top it all, I am too emotionally shattered as well from some recent discoveries I found. I was too vulnerable upon knowing that most of the people so dear to me were falling into a trap of sin that’s so hard to reverse. I was having a hard time trying to comprehend the situation and why did God surround me with people committing the sin I hated the most?

For a time, I was acting indifferently. I was putting much effort trying to be jolly when I’m with my friends when in fact, I’m naturally bubbly and worst, noisy when I’m with them. I felt so tired just trying to be me.

And then one fine Friday, I found myself lost in the middle of worship. I cried myself out. It was such a humbling experience acknowledging before God that I am so broken, along with the people so dear to me. He was speaking into me. Reminding me of His Presence, of His Faithfulness and His unconditional Love. He may use me as instrument and catalyst for change but I don’t have to carry the burden alone, because He is always there carrying the yoke with me even when I didn't ask Him to. Due to my frustrations on helping my friends out, I forgot that He is the only One who can heal us all.

Now I am back on track. I am and will always be a working progress though, but I’m glad to pick up the broken pieces with my hands protected with God’s love. And as for my friends, they too are children of God and I strongly believe that He will be at the crossroads waiting for them even though He is always there walking with us along the way.